Thursday, June 7, 2007

Suicide in Second Life



Tuesday, June 5, was a day like any other in my Second Life. Chatted with friends here and there, hung out in shops, explored a bit. Watched a friend work -- watched several friends work, now that I think about it. A lot of my time on Second Life is spent watching other people work. Not that I mind...I learn a lot by watching my talented builder, designer, and blogger friends doing what they do. I've always been one who learns by both watching and trying things myself. I never read the manual.

Late at night, emptiness set in as it frequently does. I don't sleep enough, and last night was no exception. In my year on Second Life, I've done a lot of exploring, and one of the more intriguing things that has piqued my curiosity is the Suicide Booth.

Oh, I know. Pretty emo of me to be thinking of ending my second life. But better that than my first life, no?

With my friend in tow, we went to Tiretta, where the Suicide Booth is located (http://slurl.com/secondlife/Tiretta/131/210/58). I contemplated the various death types (quick, slow, agonising, torturous, party political broadcast painful, OHFUCK, Make it Stop, "I can't believe how much that hurts!") and chose the highest level of pain. It was the luck of the click, actually, completely inadvertent and only discovered five seconds before my death.

I paid my 25 lindens and stepped into the booth. The doors closed behind me. Since I wasn't in mouselook, I stared at the closed booth doors, not able to see my own avatar and what kind of anguish he was enduring. As the five seconds counted down, I waited, unsure of what would happen. Five seconds later, I was transported home to Tragically Misunderstood Artists (how appropriate!), where I received an IM from my friend, who reported that the doors had opened to the sight of some rapidly disappearing red particles (too quick to photograph, damn), but alas, no me.

Assuring him I was simply 'home,' he announced the suicide booth to be a scam, I laughed, and continued my search for suicide-related hits in SL. I came upon Asagao Memorial Park (http://slurl.com/secondlife/Asagao/83/167/25), dedicated to the memory of those who have committed suicide. I assume the old fashioned kind involving real pain, real funerals, and real people left behind to grieve the loss of their loved ones. I understand that grief, unfortunately, and I was keenly aware of the callousness of my having ended my avatar's life in such a cavalier manner. My friend who hanged himself right out of high school was certainly in a great deal more anguish than I was when suffering from a vague 'emptiness' that I couldn't even put into words when asked. I also know that he would have seen the humor in my entering that booth in a tacky mainland sim, paying my 25L and waiting for the end.

I'm back, btw. My suicide sparked my first blog post (lucky you!), so it wasn't entirely in vain.